Editor’s Letter

We’ve come to the end of the year. H1N1 hasn’t wiped us all out. North Korea didn’t hit us with nukes. The polar caps didn’t melt. And the economic crash didn’t leave us all unemployed. I predicted at the beginning of the year that come December we’d all be forced to join roving hordes of cannibals to survive—that the world would become a lifeless land of ash where you either eat someone or get eaten. But it didn’t happen. I will call that a good year.
But looking back, it was actually a great year for us. We added a whole crew of new staff, we did a complete redesign, we increased our page count, we got a new website and we started a freakin’ clothing line.

For me personally, the best part of 2009 was that not only did we get the most creative, talented and professional people in the country to work for us, but I’m also friends with all of these people. Can hanging out and doing fun stuff with your friends even be called work?

Here are some fun facts and statistics about ION in 2009.

New staff added to the core ION team in 2009: 2 (Toyo and Tyler).

Core ION staff who moved from Vancouver to Toronto in 2009: 2 (Danny and Toyo).

Tears shed at our awesome parties because the ION Toronto staff couldn’t attend: 0.

Oddest album to be reviewed in ION this year: Tie between Papa Roach and a soundtrack for a Ken Burns documentary on America’s National Parks.

Oddest swag: The package with the bejeweled Ed Hardy hat, Ed Hardy high-end wifebeater and Ugg slippers wins by a mile.

Average number of seconds it took our Office Manager Natasha to re-tweet every tweet from the ION Twitter account: 7.3.

Cans of salmon intended for our Creative Director Danny that his parents sent with an ION staff member who was flying to Toronto: 10.

Pounds of granola and dried cranberries intended for Danny that his parents sent with an ION staff member who was flying to Toronto: 15.

Total cans of salmon and pounds of granola and dried cranberries that Danny received: 0 (Sorry Anne and Franco, it was delicious).

Number of people who asked me if I was quitting ION to become a DJ: 10.

Number of people who asked where they should send their resume to apply for my job: 2. (The correct answer is ‘up your ass.’)

Number of people who will complain to our staff that, “I’m pretty sure one of Ernold Sane’s horoscopes is directed at me”: 75.

Times our Art Director Tyler annoyed me by being overly positive: Impossible to quantify.

Times I cut Tyler down for no reason other than to attempt to spoil his mood: Also impossible to quantify.

Times this worked: 0.

Collective staff eye rolls over our Fashion Editor Toyo’s irrational love of Twilight: A billion.

Models our Publisher/Fashion Director Vanessa made cry: 2 billion.

Hyperboles used in 2009: A billion billion.

Number of times our Music Editor Trevor Risk was pitched an article on his most hated “music” act, Girl Talk: 3.
How many times Trevor Risk would call and complain to me if I didn’t put music in quotation marks when describing Girl Talk’s “music”: 50.

Grammatical mistakes our Copy Editor, Steven Evans, found in the first draft of this Editor’s Letter: 15.

Google queens of ION Magazine: Jules Moore and Natalie Vermeer. (Seriously, they either love themselves and Google their names a lot, or they have stalkers checking up on them every day.)

Most disturbing Google searches people used to find www.ionmagazine.ca: “flashyourtits,” “disturbing extreme porn,” “horror movie smashed hammer to the woman’s head,” “european porn movie ends with kitchen knife,” “movie and visual bestiality with dogs,” “shoot hitler face” and “what are capricorns like on meth.”

Thanks for reading creeps! See you in 2010, hopefully.

Photography: Toby Marie Bannister