Another Day, Another Sumwich: Remembering the Denny’s Rock Star Menu

If you can’t be a rock star, at least you at eat like one, right? In 2008, Denny’s, America’s monument to chronic insomnia and poor eating habits, unveiled the Rock Star Menu, a feast for the senses honouring that celebrated synergy between music and food, particularly during the wee hours of the night when the show’s over and we’ve got nothing to eat but our feelings and maybe a Moons Over My Hammy.

The idea was simple: rock’s greatest heroes would enter the Denny’s kitchen and craft a tasty treat worthy of their fans and artistic legacy. As far as concepts go, this one easily ranked right up there withThe Wall and Sgt. Pepper, promising to break the mold for drunken meal at three in the morning. So what could possibly go wrong? For starters, the bands Denny’s “signed” couldn’t write a tune to save their lives. Garbage food, garbage music? Then again, maybe they were on to something. Showcasing the culinary talents of Sum 41, Good Charlotte, Hoobastank, et al, the Rock Star Menu offered a depressing glimpse into the lives of once smash groups facing their lowest ebb. Only a few years earlier, these rockers were flipping the bird at society to stadiums of teenage ingrates drunk on the high of hating their parents, yet Hoobastank and co. were now fighting to stay relevant, ditching that last shred of artistic credibility and entering a Denny’s kitchen in the hope that stamping their name on a pile of cheap eggs would somehow boost album sales. And you thought the Warped Tour was fucked?

Given the limited pull most of these bands had by 2008, it’s no surprise that the Rock Star Menu was doomed from the start. Despite a few tweaks and revisions, Denny’s quietly buried the Rock Star Menu and consigned these edgy entrees to the dustbin of history. Although long since out of print, you can still track down some of this shit on Discogs if you’re willing to crack open that wallet. For the rest of us poor saps, we’ll always have a Grand Slam Breakfast to fall back on.

Here’s a by no means comprehensive list of items from the Denny’s Rock Star Menu:

• Sum 41’s THE Sumwich
• Hoobastank’s Hooburrito (I remember this one actually being pretty good)
• Good Charlotte’s Band of Burritos
• Taking Back Sunday’s Taking Back Bacon Burger Fries AND Melty Grilled Chicken and Sausage Quesadilla (these clowns enjoyed the Rock Star Menu process so much they double dipped)
• Rascal Flatts’ Unstoppable Breakfast (what happens when the unstoppable breakfast meets the immovable appie?)
• Katy Perry’s Hot N Cold Cherry Chocolate Cappuccino
• All-American Rejects’ All-American SOS (either a burger or a cry for help, I’m not really sure)
• Eagles of Death Metal’s Heart on a Plate Pancakes
• Gym Class Heroes’ After School Special (just a fucking mess)

Boys Like Girls’ Great Eggsteak