ON AUGUST 7TH, BAY AREA BAND PERMANENT COLLECTION RELEASED NEWLY WED NEARLY DEAD, THEIR MOST EXCELLENT FULL LENGTH ON LOGLADY RECORDS. ON JUNE 22ND, THEY PLAYED A PACKED, SWEATY SHOW IN AN INDUSTRIAL AREA OF VANCOUVER. THAT NIGHT THEY HAD A FEW DRINKS, AND PARTIED WITH ION UNTIL ABOUT 4:30AM AND ONLY THEN DID THEY GIVE US AN INTERVIEW. WHAT WAS SAID THAT NIGHT WAS A CANDID TORNADO OF NON SEQUITURS AND INTERJECTIONS. THESE ARE THE WORDS OF JASON HENDARDY, BRENDEN NERFA, MEGAN DABKOWSKI AND MIKE STILLMAN: PERMANENT COLLECTION.
The Oakland A's are terrible. Is that true or not?
Jason: I agree, but they got a movie made about them with Brad Pitt in it so that makes them a hot commodity.
To be fair, the Minnesota Twins also had a movie made about them that probably had Scott Bakula in it. How do you respond to that?
Megan: The Minnesota Twins are doing worse than the A's. The A's are pretty good because they have good players, they just don't have any depth.
Oh my god, the Minnesota Twins have a championship and also a Canadian MVP.
Jason: Where is Bobby Kielty? (chants) Where is Kielty?
And do the Minnesota Twins miss that garbage bag outfield they used to have?
Megan: It's all about Josh Reddick.
I don't know who that is because NO ONE KNOWS WHO THE OAKLAND A'S PLAYERS ARE.
Megan: He used to play for the Red Sox! This isn't a baseball questionnaire!
The Oakland A's have tonnes of players who used to be Red Sox who aren't doing very well.
Megan: Gio Gonzales played for the A's last year and now he's playing for the Washington...
Megan: Nationals! And he has the best ERA in all the MLB last time I checked.
And does he currently play for the Oakland A's?
Megan: Used to! Last year! They're a prospect building team. That's the whole point!
Jason: This is where I'll disagree with her. They're not on the team now. So fuck 'em.
Players who used to be on the Oakland A's: Jermaine Dye, Jonny Damon....
Megan and ION: Mark McGwire!
Full band: Juice! Juice! Juice! Juice!
Megan: I'm all for letting baseball players shoot themselves full of steroids so I can see more offense. The audience wants more offense MLB!
Do chicks dig the long ball?
Mike: I don't have a lot of experience with "long balls."
Brenden: Larry! You got some long-ass balls!
Brenden, can you give me some more of your Leon impression?
Brenden: You gotta step in his ass Larry!
Oh god, can we please talk about your band for at least a second?
Megan: Yeah we should. I'm sorry about all the baseball.
Jason: If you want to try. What do you want to know?
What was your first show like?
Jason: Our first show, someone threw a beer can in my face.
Did it hit you in the face?
Jason: Straight in the face.
Was it empty or full?
Jason: It was this guy named Phil Benson. He's a fucking asshole.
Megan: Phil Benson is a total cocksucker, y'know?
Can you please tell me more about Phil Benson?
Jason: He plays in this horrible band called Terry Malts. He threw a beer can right in my face.
Megan: I hate Terry Malts.
Didn't you just finish opening up for Terry Malts?
Megan: We ALWAYS open up for Terry Malts.
And they throw beer cans in your face?
Jason: Yeah, it's not cool...well it's actually pretty cool.
Can you clear this up? Is it cool or uncool?
Jason: It' cool other than he's over-handing it when he should be under-handing it and the fucking beer's not empty. It's full, going straight to my face.
Jason, what is your favourite record of all time?
Jason: She's So Unusual by Cyndi Lauper.
Is that the one with the song about masturbation?
Jason: Yeah, but it's also "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," and she also covers a Prince song on it. "Since You've Been Mine".
Is that the best song on the record? (Ed. note: the song is actually titled "When You Were Mine")
Jason: No. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" is. It sounds like a retarded Smiths song.
Wait. (ION hears some talking in the background). What did you just say about Canadian accents?
Megan: My friend from high school would get drunk and start talking in a Canadian accent and now that I'm hanging out with you guys I'm like, "you guys sound like Eddie!"
Wait a second. What is a Canadian accent? Can you do an impression for us?
Megan (in a weak interpretation of the Canadian version of English): Hey, you know I've been in Canada for a while and, uh, y'know, beer's kind of expensive here, but uh, the chicks are real hot, eh?
Okay, you guys say "paw-sta" and we say "pah-sta". You say "Maw-zda" and we say "Mah-zda".
Brenden: Miatas fucking suck. The Mazda Miata. If you got hit by one, you're never gonna retire.
If you got hit by a Maw-zda. Wait, Mah-zda. If you got hit by one, nothing would happen?
Jason: Yeah, you'd destroy the car but it would also destroy your ego.
Mike: You gotta throw yourself in front of a Benz if you wanna retire.
Jason: And this is how we're planning the progression of our band. We're each gonna take one for the team where we get hit by cars and then record the next record.
Mike: I wanna get hit by a Smart Car.
Jason: Drummers are the smartest dudes in the band.
(To Mike) Is that true?
Mike: No way, man.
Megan: No, the drummer's the most physically fit because drumming takes more movement.
(To Mike) Is that true?
Mike: This is also not true.
Jason: Everyone always hates the drummer.
Do we all hate you?
Mike: That's entirely true.
Megan: Definitely true. The drummer gets made fun of.
Does he get made fun of or do we all hate him? Show of hands, who hates the drummer? For the record that's three against two. (To Mike) You don't get a vote.
Brenden: Why doesn't he get a vote?
Because he's the drummer.
Mike: You might as well just get a drum machine. That's what we're gonna start doing.
Can they replace you with a box?
Mike: Yeah that's fine. As long as I still get paid.
Megan: He's a retarded Steve Shelley, and that's a quote from Jason.
Mike: I wanted Steve Shelley but I got "retarded Steve Shelley."
Jason: It's true! Steve Shelley's not attainable. So we got the next best thing: retarded Steve Shelley.
Loglady Records? Is that a Twin Peaks thing?
Jason: It's actually about transvestites.
Megan: So it's a lady with a "log" in her pants, right?
Jason: A chick with a log in her pants is actually a dude.
Megan: You see, Jason made that homage to me because a lot of people think I'm a tranny.
Whoa! Is that actually true?
Megan: At least four or five times in the past couple of years people have asked me if I'm a man or a woman. One time a tranny came up to me and was like, "It's cool. I'm a tranny too."
Holy smoke. And how do you feel about that?
Megan: Well, some girls get called pregnant. I'd rather be called a man.
That's good enough. We're done.
Photos: Lauren Loprete